Sunday, November 7, 2010

"Peerenting"

Aku ingat lagi masa aku kecik-kecik, kami adik beradik memang takut dengan mama. Mama sangat tegas garang dengan anak². Abah selalunya cool jer dengan kami. Tapi bila abah marah memang kami adik beradik sangat gerun. Tu sebab almost anything that I want from my mom or anything that I want to tell her I will go through my abah. Kira abah filter dulu la. Kalau abah kata 'Yes', mama maybe says 'Yes' or 'No' la. If abah kata 'No' tak payah la buang masa tanya dekat mama sebab jawapannya adalah sama.

After I got married, everything seems to change. Me and my mom started become closer. Especially after I have my own kid.We share story about pregnancy, motherhood, cooking..or would I say about everything? Now baru aku faham sebenarnya kenapa my mom begitu tegas dengan kami. Bukan senang rupanya nak membesarkan anak² ni. Anak amanah Allah to all parents. So kena jaga dengan betul². Aku pon pelik kenapa ada manusia sanggup buang anak. Dahlah baby baru lahir adalah sangat comel. Macam mana lah dieorang boleh tergamak letak baby comel dalam tong sampah, tepi jalan, dalam toilet. Stupid tau mereka² ini.

Seingat aku lah, aku memang tak pernah kot cerita pasal kekasih² aku ni dekat mama aku. Kalau nak rasa kena pukul dengan hanger or telinga berdesing dengar bebelan mama, try la cerita pasal boyfriend² ni dekat dia. Even abah aku seorang yang agak cool, dengan dia pon aku tak pernah nak cerita pasal kekasih² gelap aku. Serious weh sampai aku masuk university pon parents aku tak tau aku ada kekasih kecuali kekasih aku yang last sekali tu. *Ehem* you know who you are. Ada certain kawan² aku masa aku primary and secondary siap boleh cerita² pasal boyfriend dieorang dekat mak ayah dieorang. Siap tu mak ayah jemput datang rumah makan tengahari sama². Aku tengok parents zaman sekarang ni pon more open la pasal boyfriend-girlfriend ni. Ooh tapi lepas aku jumpa last boyfriend aku (now my husband), tiba² aku jadi berani nak bagitau my parents. Aku siap bawak jumpa mama abah lagi. Masa tu risau giler kalau mama halau dia balik kan. Up to my suprise, mama beramas beramah mesra lagi dengan dia. Jodoh tu ketentuan Allah. Manusia pon boleh berubah kalau dah ditakdirkan oleh-Nya.

Recently, I watched an American television series called 'Modern Family'. It's about a big family which portrays husband, wife, kids, gay couple raising an adopted daughter, mixed raced couples..which somehow exemplifies today's family. So in one of the episode, one of the character mentioned about 'Peerenting'. He was actually trying to understand the problem faced by his daughter and her boyfriend. The father is trying to berlakon jadi kawan kepada daughter dia instead of being a father so that his daughter lebih rasa selesa untuk share masalah boyfriend dia.
Apa yang menarik perhatian aku, is perkataan 'Peerenting' tu sendiri and it's simplified from 'Peer' and 'Parenting'. Peerenting is when you act like a parent but you talk like a peer. Dalam bahasa yang lebih mudah di fahami, korang treat anak² korang like a friend so that anak² lebih selesa nak share apa saja dengan parents tanpa rasa takut. Parents act 'friend' role instead of 'parent' role.

I call it "Peerenting"
For me, aku suka konsep macam ni but not for all the time. As a mom, aku suka bila anak² refer pada aku kalau dieorang ada any problem. Even aku pada masa tu aku takde solutions for their problem but at that time I can still comfort them and calm them down. Kenapa aku cakap 'not for all the time' because for sure la at times, we also need to be strict to our kids at certain things especially anything yang bercanggah dengan tuntutan agama. Kalau tak sure kids, pijak kepala act beyond our limit kan? In the same time, we as a parents, also need to learn to listen to our kids first before make any judgment. On the other hand, kids need to understand there's must be a reason why that parents, sometimes say 'NO' to things that you desire or request from them.

Dalam mendidik anak² ni masing² ada cara tersendiri. My parents pon is typical 'parent'...strict and always wanted us to listen to what they said. But I guess they did a good job because Alhamdulillah we are all turned out okay. As a daughter to them tak semestinya aku kena ikut cara my parents didik anak². But most of the time I will try to seek advice from them and also my in-laws.

You all pon sure ada pendapat masing² pasal issue 'Peerenting' ni. I believe this concept has pros and cons. I would like to hear from your point of view. Care to share guys?

4 comments:

Husna Hadzarami said...

haha. mak kau pun guna hanger ke?? sepp sikittt!

OK i've learn somewhere this words:

"Yakinilah bahawa tidak ada seorang anak pun yang tidak mahu bekerjasama dengan orang tua, yang ada adalah anak yang merasa tidak didengar oleh orang tuanya."

i agree with you, our parents have their own way to educate us, but we're not necessarily follow their way. but of course we'll seek advice from them kan? =)

miralatiff said...

*High five*

Aku suka quote yang ko bagi tu..ade maksud tersirat..Most of the time kite anak selalu rase mak ayah kite tak nak dengar ape yang kite cakap..tapi sebenarnya dieorang dengar, tapi maybe at that point of time dieorang takde jawapan nak jawab balik..

Mummylicious said...

"peerenting"? i think some family mmg practice ni pun but in a different way. macam bad cop, good cop lah.
bapak is the typical garang dad=bad cop and mak the 'friend' you can talk to about anything=good cop. I think that is the normal situation.

but whatever it is, the must be a limit. though there must be a channel for open communications between parents and child. especially in this age where social and gender boundaries are no longer black and white. as a parent, you want to be in the loop. keep an eye, have serious discussions and not arguments about sensitive issues, know where your kids are doing or where they are. those are important. but i think i draw the line at joining my kids going clubbing and supporting them when its clearly something against Islam or what i do not tolerate. how? dunno lah...we cross the bridge when we get there?

i tatau i ngarut apa ni. .... i rasa i ngantuk...

syafiq said...

xsabar aku nk ada anak sendiri...hehe...

 
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